The Blog

subversive1: More Love, Less Politics.

I don’t have anything great to write tonight, so I’ll just share what’s on my mind, what’s going on in my life.  The Lord has been working with me on a very simple thing…getting up in the morning.  I’ve written about this before.  For me it comes down to an issue of the flesh, and at 5:00 am my flesh has been winning out.  I have focused on Romans 6 and 7, understanding that I am dead in Christ, therefore free from the rule of the flesh and sin.  I also understand Romans 8, that I have to approach this issue in the spirit, and not try to conquer this in my own strength.  The consequences of not getting up on time include:  not having the time I want to read the bible, pray, read other books, blog, etc.; I don’t have time to sign off charts for the clinic, and if you don’t sign off charts you don’t get paid.  The end result is that I often perpetually feel behind, which then makes me feel harried internally.  The thing I am learning, and have BEEN learning for some time (I’m slow I guess) is that BUSINESS (READ BUSY-NESS) IS A STATE OF MIND.  There is a scene in a Startrek episode where Capt. Picard is on a foreign planet, with some gal whose race has the ability to basically freeze time.  In said scene the gal blows on a dandelion-type flower, and all the seeds go flying.  She immediately “slows time”, so that she and Capt. Picard go on talking, as if in normal time, but the world around them slows down to a crawl.  This is a great visual for me, because I feel that in Christ time should “slow down” for us.  What I mean is this:  the more we learn to trust in Christ the less we are concerned about the hustle and bustle around us.  I think of it as “just existing”, a very restful state.  Hebrews 3 and 4 come to mind, about having entered into the rest of Christ, and ceasing from OUR labors.  Worrying about things doesn’t get them done any faster.

Here’s an example.  Sometimes in the ER or in my clinic we get inundated with patients.  Everyone wants everything, and they want it RIGHT NOW!!!  My tendency is to get overwhelmed, and then impatient, and next thing I know I am running ragged, barely keeping my head above water.  If I am not careful the result of that could be poor decision-making, something that I can’t afford to have, and also decreased patient satisfaction.  I am learning to just live minute by minute, to do what I am doing now, then move onto the next thing.  When I can approach things in this manner then I can see the forest through the trees, and see the things I could do to NOT get so far behind (although its not always under my control).  I am so much better at this now than I used to be, but still have to remind myself of it.

Another thing I continue to learn is that I can’t do everything.  Sometimes I find myself getting anxious in providing medical care, or dreading certain encounters because of what I know will be discussed.  What I realized recently, in talking to my nurse who is a believer and good friend, is that these are the times when I don’t have the answer to solve the person’s problem.  When I don’t know how to fix something I feel inadequate, and I HATE feeling inadequate.  If I don’t have the answer I feel I have failed, and I am NOT allowed to fail (in my internal psyche).  Of course, in my mind and heart I realize that my inadequacy is my greatest strength, because that is my opportunity to rely on His grace, but that truth hasn’t permeated that portion of my being…yet.  The more I learn this lesson the more I will enjoy my life and my practice, because this really is a common theme.  I have also found that, when I have no more to offer, that is a good opportunity to offer Christ, in the right circumstances.  I find myself being much more active in my faith in my practice, and I find that the leading in my heart to share usually is followed by an opening by the patient to share.  So, when I have nothing more to offer, I find I can offer the best “thing” of all!

Well, I guess that’s it.

I had a great facebook conversation with Anthony Verderame in Minnesota.  I love the ability to fellowship with brothers and sisters that I would otherwise have no chance to meet.  Check out Anthony’s blog, The Normal Christian.  I think you’ll like it.

Well, that’s more than I thought I’d write.  Next up, I think….”What it means to be a man in Christ”.  I think this subject is sorely lacking in our society.

God bless.