Called Out In Kansas

I love the story of David and Goliath. In fact, in the last year my love for the Old Testament has grown tremendously, as my more recent readings in Genesis, Exodus and 1 Samuel have given me so much insight into the greatness of the God that I serve, and so much understanding of His character and His purpose. Specifically, the story of David and Goliath has really spoken to me recently, and I wanted to share what I have gleaned. We all know the background of this story. Goliath, measuring in at 9 feet and “a span”, has been taunting the armies of Israel for 40 days, trying to coax a soldier of Israel to fight him one on one. To the victor go the spoils. Of course no one responds, except to run away at his taunts and challenges. Finally, in walks David, who immediately assesses the situation and says the following:

“David said to Saul, “Let no man’s heart fail on account of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.”” (1 Samuel 17:32, NASB95)

The simplicity of David’s belief in God amazes me. Whereas all the soldiers around him, including the King of Israel, are frozen with fear, David steps up and volunteers to fight. He goes on to say:

““Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, since he has taunted the armies of the living God.” And David said, “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1 Samuel 17:36–37, NASB95) (emphasis mine)

In my initial reading, the phrase “armies of the living God” stuck out to me. I was not really sure why initially. He repeats this thought further down, when addressing Goliath:

“Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. “This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you. And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord’s and He will give you into our hands.”” (1 Samuel 17:45–47, NASB95)

Again, the confidence in David’s speech is amazing. There is not a fiber in his being that fears Goliath. For David it is as simple as 2+2=4: Goliath is taunting God, God has protected David in the past, and therefore God will deliver Goliath into David’s hand. Not even a smidgen of doubt. Wow. That is inspiring to me.

The day after I initially read this I was driving to work, reflecting on the phrase “armies of the living God”. As I did I finally made a connection to a concept that the Lord has been building in me for the last year or so, an idea that I blogged about previously in a post entitled Sonship vs. Servanthood. The concept of identity. You see, David knew who he was. He knew what it meant to be an Israelite. He knew what it meant to be in the army of the living God. He understood the relationship between God and His people. Again, David KNEW WHO HE WAS!!!

In this respect David stands in stark contrast to the rest of Israel present on the battlefield that day. Even Saul, the King of Israel, didn’t understand this relationship, didn’t understand who he was in the context of God’s kingdom, as manifested at that time by Israel, the chosen race. Because Saul failed to understand who he was he was therefore unable to walk in faith. On the contrary, because David DID know who he was, and who God was with him, it was EASY for him to walk in faith, and the result is astounding.

In our lives we must learn who we are, in the context of God’s Kingdom, as currently manifested by the global body of Christ. You see, God is no different now, in our lives, then He was then in David’s life. The definition of the Kingdom has changed, the identity and scope of the chosen people has changed, but the favored relationship between God and His people is the same now as it was then. We have been brought into covenant relationship with Almighty God, and have been given the keys to the kingdom, so to speak. But if we don’t apprehend our identity in Christ then we will forever live like Saul, taunted, sad and defeated. If, however, we DO apprehend our identity, or can even BEGIN to catch a glimpse of what it means to be His son or daughter, then we can begin the process of maturing into full-grown children in the Kingdom. And as maturing sons and daughters in the Kingdom we will understand who He is, who we are IN HIM, and the giants that once looked so big and scary will begin to look small in the light of His awesome splendor, power and faithfulness.

The last key to this passage that I will mention briefly is David’s understanding of who was actually fighting the battle. David understood that it wasn’t up to him to defeat Goliath. All he had to do was be obedient and trust, and God would do the rest. We must understand the same thing. The battle is, and always has been, the Lord’s. When the circumstances of life come against us we have to know who is fighting for us, and be willing to be obedient to His leading.

One last thought. I made reference to “covenant relationship” and it reminded me of a book I read recently, that has greatly increased my understanding of the Old Testament, in regards to the covenants and customs of Israel. The book is called “The Epic of Eden: A Christian Entry into the Old Testament”, by Sandra L. Richter. I highly recommend this book, and will likely blog about some of the interesting points in the future. 

As I’ve spent the last two months caring for my new baby boy I’ve had occasion to reflect on my relationship to him, and how that correlates to my relationship with my heavenly Father.  I’ve gleaned some interesting truths that I’d like to share.

Evan appears to deal with acid reflux, an issue that is not uncommon in newborn babies.  As such, when he is hungry, at times he will fight the bottle, because the act of eating or sucking can worsen his symptoms.  Even apart from any reflux symptoms, the fact that he is a baby means that he doesn’t really willfully control his hands, and sometimes in his impatience to eat will slap the bottle away, or move his head back and forth, making it hard to even give him what he so desperately wants!  In my flesh I tend to get frustrated, thinking, “Evan, I am trying to help you.  Quit fighting me!”.  On one occasion, that thought went through my head, and then the father reminded me of my own situation.

If you have read my recent posts on faith you know about my struggles to learn to trust Him that He is working on my behalf.  How often in the last few months have I shaken my head at him, or beat the air in my impatience to get what I wanted?  Am I really any more than a spiritual baby, or at most a toddler, especially when it comes to trusting my Father?  It certainly makes me wonder, and it certainly helps me see Him in a different light, as I see things more from His perspective, seeing how I feel about my son.

I finally was able to get through the majority of my testimony on faith, and now want to turn to some things I have learned subsequent to these events, that still pertain to walking in faith.  I will try to these in shorter snippets, so here goes.

Well, I got the CME’s done, and am still licensed to practice medicine.  Now I am trying to dig myself out from the avalanche that fell while I wasn’t  paying attention!  Charts, messages, paperwork, financial management issues, the list goes on.

“Lord, I don’t have time to get these things done, and I am having trouble finding time to spend with you, studying your word.”

That was my mindset until several days ago, while listening to a Hillsong United song, “Savior, King”.  Awesome powerful song, if you want to listen to it.

The pertinent part is in the first verse, and says the following:

“And let the poor, stand and confess, that my portion is Him, and I’m more than blessed”.

I have listened to this song many times in the last few weeks.  In fact, if you haven’t heard Hillsong United’s “The I Heart Revolution” you should check it out.  Very powerful music, and the Lord has done much in my heart lately through this music.  Anyway, I’ve heard this song, and taken note of the above lyrics, but that night it just hit me like a ton of bricks.  The busy-ness in my life will always be there, and will always prevent me from seeking Him, and His kingdom.  Before I explain I want to step back a bit.

After leaving the church I went through a long period of time where I was not allowed to study the bible.  My problem was that I always approached it intellectually, trying to figure things out.  God had to take me through a period of cleansing, so that I could approach His word from a standpoint of weakness, so that He could reveal truth to me.  Once I did begin to feel the stirring to read, I often times found myself busy doing the things required to accomplish the works I felt (and still feel) He had instructed me to do (starting two kingdom-oriented business).  At that time, not studying was permitted by the Holy Spirit, and He continued to lead me further day by day into Christ.  Lately, for the past few months, I’ve had an understanding that He is calling me into even greater commitment, and understanding that, to complete the season He has me in now will take greater dedication and greater sacrifice than the previous season.  So, having understood that for several months, the lyrics above finally cemented what He had been working in my heart, and I finally understood.

You see, I’ve been busy doing His work, doing what He has instructed me to do.  But this one thing I’ve learned:  doing things for God, even things that He’s instructed us to do, is no excuse to not SEEK Him.  Hearing those words “My portion is Him” made me realize that all the trappings of the works He’s had me do are meaningless if I am not pursuing Christ actively.  Those works will lose their power if I don’t keep them His, and keep them in their place.  The work can never take the place of the one who called us to the work.

I now understand that I must seek Christ first and foremost.  I MUST KNOW Christ.  He is my portion.  He is my inheritance.  He is my reward and my prize.  He is all that I ever wanted, and all that I’ll ever need.  I have vocalized an understanding of the central importance of Christ in the past, but now am beginning to really understand just how central He is.  Christ is everything!

The next step and latest step in the process has been reading Philippians 3.  Philippians 3:7-11 especially.  Paul talks about how all things are rubbish compared to the value of knowing Christ, and I meditate on that frequently now.  Verse 8 says “and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ”.  To me this means that if I am not counting all things as rubbish, I will not gain Christ.  Even my beloved coffee must be considered rubbish, as I fear it holds an unhealthy place in my life (I  imagine I will one day drink again, but for now I feel I am to give it up).

So, this is where I am….transitioning.  The day where this all came to a head was a difficult day.  I was stirred by the Holy Spirit to approach my life differently, but was still controlled by the daily demands, and the two were not co-existing well.  Once I set down and talked things out with my wife, the Spirit took the greater prominence, and the pressure eased.  I am still journeying in this manner, but the understanding gained is crucial as I now begin walking it out.

I love blogging, both the act of blogging, because it helps me develop my thought processes more clearly, but also reading others blogs, because it exposes me to the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit has planted in others.   I just finished reading a post by Keith Giles, at Subversive1.  If you haven’t read Keith’s blog, check it out.  He really has great things to say, and the post linked to below is no exception.

subversive1: THE MINISTRY OF ROBERT HIGGINS TO ME.

In this post Keith talks about his service to a gentleman named Robert, that has cancer, and it brought to mind something I’ve been kicking around in my head for awhile (there’s a lot of space up there).

I talk plenty about community.  I long for community.  I love relationships and desire to develop relationships in Christ.

….sometimes.

You see, I find that my flesh gets in the way of my experience of community, because I am either selfish, and don’t want to share those I am close to with others, or I am afraid to reach out for fear of rejection, or I would just rather be alone and not mess with other people.  I know, it sounds awful, and it is.

Something else I noticed at the worship conference I attended is how difficult it is for the body to relate to one another.  I think there is an instinctive lack of trust in others, at least there is in me.  I am quick to think the wrong thing of others’ actions, and am afraid that others will think wrong of mine.  Its like we’re all trying to dance together, but can’t get in the same rhythm, so we just keep stepping all over each other.  I think it will take some serious commitment to community to break through these barriers, and this is why Keith’s post spoke to me.  Keith has gone to great lengths to serve another human.  Interestingly he finds that the longer he serves the easier it becomes.  I think serving others changes us, and brings about maturity, because, as Keith notes, in serving Robert, Keith has learned a lot about himself and about Christ.

In dealing with my own difficulties with relationships and community, I find the source to be from my childhood (a very freudian thing to say, but true), where I decided at some point to not rely on others, and just take care of myself.  I have struggled with this, and prayed for understanding and deliverance, but the problem has remained.  While going to get groceries for lunch at the conference, the Lord spoke something to me.  He said (not audibly) that I just have to do it.  I can not let my insecurities stand in the way.  I have to approach, love and serve others, and as I do, that barrier inside me will be destroyed.  But, as it so often is, the next step is mine!  It also helped just to understand the shift that took place so many years ago, to be self-reliant, because that is an untenable position in the body, and in my conscious mind I strive to have my full reliance in Him.  I see in this an opportunity to trust Him more, and that is what I want.

Thanks for bearing with my ramblings.

This will probably be short, we’ll see what I have time for.  Its been busy in the ER all day, and I’m trying to get a bunch of charts signed off, so I guess priorities must take precedence!

We didn’t have bible study last night, so nothing to report.  Instead my wife and I ate Mexican and watched a taping of “The Next Food Network Star”.  Then we went to bed early.  Our 4 year old fell asleep in our bed, and there is nothing like your kid falling asleep next to you.  In fact, there is something magical about sleeping kids in general!

Best of…

I’ve not had much chance to read this week.  Here’s what I have come across:

I came across the following post at The Gospel Coalition.  I have taken exerpts that I feel give the thrust of the argument, but the whole post is great.

See  Strength Depending on Weakness – The Gospel Coalition Blog.

When we as a human race fell into sin, our affections changed, and we who once had the ability not to sin became a people who could not help but sin and even found pleasure in sin, albeit fleeting pleasure. Sin ravaged our hearts and minds, and, like Tolkien’s Gollum, we began to wallow in the mire of sin-dependent idolatry all the while maintaining our autonomy from God and our supreme, though perceived control over any and all our precious little idols, each of which possessed an uncanny resemblance to ourselves.

When trials and temptations come (and if we’re not spiritually calloused or overly cynical, we’ll notice their hourly arrival) we are faced with the decision as to whether we will depend on self or depend on God–whether we’ll depend on our own means of sustenance and satisfaction that leads to daily death independent of God or whether we’ll depend on God’s means of sustenance and ever-present satisfaction that leads to daily life abundant that is dependent on God….

Meanwhile, our Enemy is content simply to draw our affections to anything but the one true God, and thus to make us less dependent on God and increasingly dependent on ourselves and on our hearts’ precious idols, which will come alive and do our bidding.

While we do indeed become stronger and more mature as a result of life’s daily trials, ultimately, as the adopted children of God our Father, the trials he sovereignly sends our way are not intended to make us stronger but to make us weaker–less dependent on our own strength and more dependent on God and the power of his strength in which we can delightfully and eternally boast as does our brother Paul:

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then,I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor. 12:8–10).

Whatever doesn’t kill us, by God’s grace, makes us weaker in our self-dependence and more dependent on the strength of God. And this is all through the One who endured the trial of the Cross so that we might regain life dependent. By His grace we remain utterly dependent as we live justified from faith to faith at the foot of the Cross taking up our own crosses daily and dependently. As it is written, the righteous shall live by faith in God, not faith in self.

In my own life this principle has been very important, and I’ll be sharing more about this later this week.  I hope you all enjoy this post as much as I did.