Called Out In Kansas

I love the story of David and Goliath. In fact, in the last year my love for the Old Testament has grown tremendously, as my more recent readings in Genesis, Exodus and 1 Samuel have given me so much insight into the greatness of the God that I serve, and so much understanding of His character and His purpose. Specifically, the story of David and Goliath has really spoken to me recently, and I wanted to share what I have gleaned. We all know the background of this story. Goliath, measuring in at 9 feet and “a span”, has been taunting the armies of Israel for 40 days, trying to coax a soldier of Israel to fight him one on one. To the victor go the spoils. Of course no one responds, except to run away at his taunts and challenges. Finally, in walks David, who immediately assesses the situation and says the following:

“David said to Saul, “Let no man’s heart fail on account of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.”” (1 Samuel 17:32, NASB95)

The simplicity of David’s belief in God amazes me. Whereas all the soldiers around him, including the King of Israel, are frozen with fear, David steps up and volunteers to fight. He goes on to say:

““Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, since he has taunted the armies of the living God.” And David said, “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1 Samuel 17:36–37, NASB95) (emphasis mine)

In my initial reading, the phrase “armies of the living God” stuck out to me. I was not really sure why initially. He repeats this thought further down, when addressing Goliath:

“Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. “This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you. And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord’s and He will give you into our hands.”” (1 Samuel 17:45–47, NASB95)

Again, the confidence in David’s speech is amazing. There is not a fiber in his being that fears Goliath. For David it is as simple as 2+2=4: Goliath is taunting God, God has protected David in the past, and therefore God will deliver Goliath into David’s hand. Not even a smidgen of doubt. Wow. That is inspiring to me.

The day after I initially read this I was driving to work, reflecting on the phrase “armies of the living God”. As I did I finally made a connection to a concept that the Lord has been building in me for the last year or so, an idea that I blogged about previously in a post entitled Sonship vs. Servanthood. The concept of identity. You see, David knew who he was. He knew what it meant to be an Israelite. He knew what it meant to be in the army of the living God. He understood the relationship between God and His people. Again, David KNEW WHO HE WAS!!!

In this respect David stands in stark contrast to the rest of Israel present on the battlefield that day. Even Saul, the King of Israel, didn’t understand this relationship, didn’t understand who he was in the context of God’s kingdom, as manifested at that time by Israel, the chosen race. Because Saul failed to understand who he was he was therefore unable to walk in faith. On the contrary, because David DID know who he was, and who God was with him, it was EASY for him to walk in faith, and the result is astounding.

In our lives we must learn who we are, in the context of God’s Kingdom, as currently manifested by the global body of Christ. You see, God is no different now, in our lives, then He was then in David’s life. The definition of the Kingdom has changed, the identity and scope of the chosen people has changed, but the favored relationship between God and His people is the same now as it was then. We have been brought into covenant relationship with Almighty God, and have been given the keys to the kingdom, so to speak. But if we don’t apprehend our identity in Christ then we will forever live like Saul, taunted, sad and defeated. If, however, we DO apprehend our identity, or can even BEGIN to catch a glimpse of what it means to be His son or daughter, then we can begin the process of maturing into full-grown children in the Kingdom. And as maturing sons and daughters in the Kingdom we will understand who He is, who we are IN HIM, and the giants that once looked so big and scary will begin to look small in the light of His awesome splendor, power and faithfulness.

The last key to this passage that I will mention briefly is David’s understanding of who was actually fighting the battle. David understood that it wasn’t up to him to defeat Goliath. All he had to do was be obedient and trust, and God would do the rest. We must understand the same thing. The battle is, and always has been, the Lord’s. When the circumstances of life come against us we have to know who is fighting for us, and be willing to be obedient to His leading.

One last thought. I made reference to “covenant relationship” and it reminded me of a book I read recently, that has greatly increased my understanding of the Old Testament, in regards to the covenants and customs of Israel. The book is called “The Epic of Eden: A Christian Entry into the Old Testament”, by Sandra L. Richter. I highly recommend this book, and will likely blog about some of the interesting points in the future. 

Recently Dan over at Ekklesia in Southern Maine (SoMe Ekklesia) had a series of posts on depression: This Is Serious, Through: Not Out and Clarity. The series ended up sparking an in depth discussion of depression, especially as it pertains to Christians, that had commenters from many sides of the issue. I intended to write a comprehensive comment that communicated my thoughts after reading the posts and the comments, but I got so comprehensive that it took up 5 pages in my word processor! So, I decided to post an abbreviated version on his site, and the full version here, so as not to overwhelm his readers. I apologize in advance for the length of this posts, weighing in at over 3,000 words.

The topic of depression is very weighty, and very complicated. As has been stated commenters at SoMe Ekklesia, I think the topic of depression will never be fully understood by mankind. The interactions between body, soul and spirit are so complicated that I just don’t think one can make blanket, across-the-board generalizations that are 100% accurate. I do have opinions that, from my experience, seem generally correct based on the vast majority of patients I have seen, and also based on my own personal experience. However, this is based on MY experience personally and as a clinician, and therefore may not hold for each individual. Please read the entire article, as the end of the article explains further some things stated in brief earlier on, and the last thing I want is to bring hurt or offense, as can be easy to do with such a personal, charged subject.

Having said that, my experience has brought me to the opinion that much of mental illness that we see today is environmental in nature. By this I mean that a person’s past experiences determine a lot about their present condition, for good or bad. The resultant emotions, etc. invoked by these experiences can be complicated, conflicting and often times masked, so that even if one can identify an inciting event to a lot of the issues, bringing resolution to those issues isn’t automatic. It takes time, oftentimes a skilled counselor, and often a willingness to go through emotional pain to get to the issues at hand. Regarding the arguments for a physical cause of depression I will say the following: I believe that there may be a genetic predisposition to mental illness, including depression. If that is the case, one’s environment can either bring out that tendency, or prevent the expression of that tendency. I will not rule out, however, the possibility that one’s depression could possibly be purely genetic, and not environmental at all, but IMHO this would be the exception and not the rule. Regarding imaging tests that are different in those suffering from depression, etc., I think the question that needs asked is “which came first the chicken or the egg”. Is brain function or structure different and that caused the depression, or did the depression bring about chemical changes in the brain, which then caused the imaging differences? I lean towards the latter, personally.

Let me paint a picture for you. I like two things as analogies for depression. The first was offered by Bobby in a comment on Dan’s site, where he compared depression to a tube of toothpaste. I believe that the human psyche was only built to handle a certain amount of pressure, and each individual’s threshold is different. Once we get squeezed hard enough, the stuffing comes out, so to speak. This may manifest itself as depression, anxiety or even low back pain or other problems. Conversion disorder is a classic example of this. I saw a case of it in medical school, where a young lady presented to the ER with every sign and symptom of an acute stroke, only the MRI was negative and the neurologist couldn’t identify a physical cause. Turns out, when she slept she would move all extremities, but when awake she was unable to. It also turns out she was going through some marital or other difficulties, and this is how her mind “blew off steam” so to speak. Everybody has a pressure relief valve, but the manifestation of that is different from person to person. I have recognized a pattern in my own life that when I begin to feel anxious or depressed I have to look for the point of conflict. For me it usually comes down to an area where I am trying to be self-sufficient, or bucking against a circumstance I don’t like, instead of relying on His supply and understanding that His grace is sufficient for me (like Paul and his thorn). I have also realized that my “relief valve”, or physical manifestation of being overwhelmed, is fatigue, enough that at one point I was convinced I had sleep apnea (which I didn’t).

The second analogy I like is to a Rubik’s Cube. A life in perfect harmony is like a completed Rubik’s Cube. Add one twist, and it may be easy enough to get back into perfection. Add one twist on top of another, and it gets more complicated. Add a third on top of that and its worse. By the time you twist the cube 5-6 times or more it becomes more difficult to even see where things went wrong, and next thing you know you don’t know up from down, left from right, truth from lies. The result can be a life lived in total fear and confusion, because all orientation is lost. Of course a twist on the cube would be analogous to an insult to the psyche. It could be abuse as a child, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or even just normal life circumstances (having a baby, a new job, moving to a new location, etc.) Add multiple insults on top of each other and the end result can get scary. The more disorganized the Rubik’s cube, the more complicated the presentation of the mental illness, so that what was once just mild depression becomes severe depression, and then maybe a personality disorder, or bipolar disorder, or others. Now, I realize that this may be an over-simplification of this topic, and that it doesn’t fit every circumstance, but I think as a general rule, at least in my experience, it is a fairly accurate model.

In discussing physical versus environmental causes of depression, one might ask what it matters which one it is. I think the question is important. In a previous comment on Dan’s site Bobby made the observation that the enemy uses the idea of mental illness as a physical ailment to keep believers in bondage. I wholeheartedly agree, and have previously witnessed that exact thing. If I view my depression to be largely environmental I may have hope that those environmental issues can be addressed and my condition improved if not cured. If my depression is viewed as a medical illness, like diabetes, then I consign myself to living with it the rest of my life, thus removing a great deal of hope. Now certainly we can have hope of His provision in the midst of any physical ailment, and depression would be no different. However, I would rather trust in Him to see me out of the depression than to live the rest of my life with it, even if He does sustain me through it. In my opinion, much of the mental illness that I see is very treatable, with hope for full resolution in Christ. This is not to say that treatment is a simple process, as usually it is not. More about treatment in a bit.

There are varying degrees of depression, obviously. Although the DSM V gives strict criteria for the definition of different mood disorders, I see depression as more of a spectrum, ranging from mild to severe, but with no clear dividing line between a)depressive symptoms that aren’t true depression and b)true depression itself. In other words, depression is not as easy to quantify as a heart attack. Now, I am sure the DSM V has all of this mapped out and organized, but that is a topic for later. At the higher end of the severity scale, I personally think that another issue comes into play, and that is spiritual oppression. I strongly believe that the enemy uses our thoughts and emotions against us, and when these things get out of control that may be a sign that there is more at work than just plain depression, or more than just our own illogical emotions. I do believe there is a spiritual battle that goes on for our minds, as the enemy does not want us to reach our full potential in Christ. The closer he sees us getting to making a change the harder he fights us, which is why the battle is always fiercest before the victory (or the night is darkest before the dawn).

Depression among believers is really my pet topic. The sad truth is that many of us have grown up in a system where being depressed is not an option. Being depressed is a sign of spiritual weakness, or a lack of faith, etc., and therefore we strive to prove to others, and often ourselves, that we are fine. As has been mentioned previously, the typical Christian response is to point a finger, or give simple platitudes, that aren’t helpful at all, and in fact bring greater shame and depression to the individual already suffering. What the depressed person REALLY needs to hear is “I understand because I have been there as well.” Unfortunately, though, Christians are not very good at being real with God, with ourselves, or with our brothers and sisters around us. We tend to not be very transparent. As I look back on my journey out of depression, I see that my church upbringing (charismatic) directly worsened my already underlying depression, because I never could measure up to what I thought I needed to. Interestingly, the more my mind was cleansed from the stench of “church” the more my depression cleared. The more of the truth of Christ I saw, the more healthy I became. I can point to others that are close to me that were harmed by the system more than I was. As Christians we need to feel free to JUST BE!!! Its okay if I am depressed. It doesn’t devalue me. It doesn’t hamper the Lord’s ability to work in my life. It doesn’t make me a second rate kingdom citizen. It doesn’t make me weak (although if we take it as an opportunity to BE weak, we might actually find HIS strength in us). We must be able to LET God accept us where we are, be content to be there for the time being, while still looking forward to our deliverance (more on that in a bit). We must be able to find His help for us, in the midst of our depression (as Dan has stressed in his posts).

Finally I would like to talk about treatment of depression, just briefly. For many people that I see, medication would be harmful, analogous to putting a bandaid over a wound that will never heal, and not treating the wound. If we fully mask the symptoms it makes it harder to get at the root of the problem. For others, medication is a necessary modality, to lighten the severity of the depression sufficiently to allow the person to concentrate on the issues at hand and make progress. So, I do not see medication usage as a sign that a person lacks faith. I see it as a blessed help to those that would otherwise drown without it. Also, how I approach depression in a believer may be different than in a non-believer. Apart from Christ, deliverance or healing from depression is much less likely than being in Christ. So, I might be more likely to start medication in a non-believer, all things being otherwise equal, because their hope for symptomatic improvement without it is less than a believer who has hope in Christ.

In my opinion, some cases of depression may very well be amenable to treatment by an insightful, compassionate and skilled Christian counselor. Other, more severe cases may need to be in the hands of a trained counselor, be it a social worker, licensed therapist, etc. In my office, my wife works as a counselor. Her social work training, combined with her spiritual understanding, makes her a powerful tool in the life of a Christian suffering from these issues. Even she, however, has to refer on patients that may be dealing with, say, alcohol and drug abuse. I think that counseling on Christian ideas has merit, and traditional counseling has merit as well. Combined, the two are phenomenal in the life of a believer. To simply write depression off as failure to properly apply spiritual principles, or worse yet to sin, is to do injustice to the person suffering from depression. My wife has had a certain degree of success with non-believers, as much as might be expected, but truly exceptional results only occur when the Spirit of God brings enlightenment to the believer’s heart, accomplishing in seconds what might otherwise take years to accomplish with counseling alone. The key to this process is understanding that there is no cookie cutter. What “works” for one person may not “work” for the next. The counselor can not put unrealistic expectations on the counselee (although the counselor sometimes has to nudge the counselee along at times, gently, in love). Another key, as Dan has mentioned, is that the person with depression must have unwavering support and love from their family. Finally, the person with depression has to be willing to deal with painful issues, while at the same time not fixating on the same things, permanently. Sometimes, I know, those old record players are hard to turn off in our heads.

So, having discussed all this, the last question I will ask and answer is this: What part does faith play in dealing with depression? Is faith simply a tool to help us live with depression, or can it be a tool to help us out of depression? In my opinion, faith can be what leads us out of depression, but it must first lead us through our current circumstances. Let me explain better.

“Without faith it is impossible to please God”. This quote is so true. I believe that faith moves God. God wants us to learn to walk as mature sons and daughters, and mature sons and daughters walk in faith. Simply put, God just wants us to believe that what He said is true! Now, this is all very simple sounding in theory, but the practical application ends up being anything but that. If we had total faith, we would have no sickness, no depression, no financial lack, etc. But who among us has total faith? I sure don’t. So, where does that leave us? It leaves us seeking Him. It leaves us on the journey towards eternity, towards resurrection, the end of which we will likely never see in this life. There is no magic potion to get enough faith to be delivered from depression. We can’t muster it up by listening to Christian music, reading Christian books or even by just reading the bible. So, even though I believe that faith is the key to deliverance from depression, we must still walk it out. You see, where my charismatic roots steered me wrong (among other things) was in the failure to understand that it is OK to NOT HAVE ENOUGH FAITH FOR A GIVEN TASK!! It was also wrong in that, as a charismatic, I sought after the healing, instead of seeking the healer. Matthew 6, starting around vs. 26, makes it clear that we are to seek God first, and all these things (in that case food and clothing) will be added to us. I believe that this principle applies here as well, that if we seek Christ, the Spirit of God will transform us into His image, eventually bringing healing to the areas that need it. The beautiful part about this is that it obviates the necessity to live back through every painful circumstance we have ever lived through, as traditional counseling seems so prone to do. As stated previously, this process can accomplish in seconds what traditional treatment may never accomplish (analogous to pulling all the squares off the Rubik’s cube and fixing it that way). All this being said, there is still no cookie cutter. I can’t say “just seek God and He will heal you”. I think we have to avail ourselves to what modern medicine and counseling have to offer, as appropriate, take advantage of the support of our loved ones, and trust Him to sustain us in the hard times. I also think that we must not lose sight of our ultimate goal, to be delivered. We must realize, however, that just as Abraham waited 10 years (by my calculation) from the initial promise of a son to the birth of Isaac, the journey from here to recovery may take awhile, it will probably be hard and it will likely be painful. Along the way, however, we will find ourselves walking as Sons and Daughters in the Kingdom, learning more and more to walk in faith, growing ever and ever closer to our dear Savior and looking and acting more like Him (see 2 Corinthians 3:18). The end result of the pain is incredible beauty in the life of the believer.

After writing all of the above, can I offer an easy solution to someone in the throes of depression and angst? No. I can not. The things I have written are guidelines I believe are true, but there is no 12-step program to freedom. Sometimes, when I am fighting these issues, I have to continually speak the truth of the Word to myself, to combat the illogical thoughts that come against me. Some days I win, some days I lose. The overall theme, to me, is that we must endeavor to keep Him foremost in our thoughts, as much as possible. Again, some days we’ll succeed, and some days we’ll fail. In the end, if we persist, if we don’t lose heart, we will overcome, because He has already overcome for us!

I finally was able to get through the majority of my testimony on faith, and now want to turn to some things I have learned subsequent to these events, that still pertain to walking in faith.  I will try to these in shorter snippets, so here goes.

The Lord has done a lot in the last 2 years to teach me about faith, a subject that is often times mis-taught, misunderstood and misapplied.  Having come from a Charismatic background, I had a lot to relearn about faith, although it is interesting how close the Charismatics are to having understanding, and yet how far away they are.  The importance of faith is apparent in scripture (Hebrews 11:6), and therefore I think it is an issue that we should understand.  I recently had a conversation with my sister, who is struggling to overcome her religious background as I have, and that conversation sparked me to share here what I have learned.

Faith as I Used to See It

“So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.”  Romans 10:17

This scripture was used ad nauseum in the churches I attended.  The idea was that, simply by reading the bible, your faith would increase.  Now, I am sure there was other teaching on faith, but the use of that scripture, to me, highlights the problems with the way Charismatics approach faith.  The problem was that faith was approached as an asset, to be sought after, as a means to getting other things.  In order to have healing you had to have faith.  In order to have prosperity you had to have faith.  Whatever things a person might want, faith was the key to getting what you wanted.  Now, it is true that faith is the key, as Hebrews mentions.  The problem lies in our priorities, in what we’ve made important.  As a churched Christian, I sought to be wise, I sought to be healed, I sought to be prosperous and I sought to be godly.  The problem with this is that I sought THESE THINGS, without seeking the giver of these things.  I now see that faith comes from a life lived in service to Christ, and grows as we mature, and as we begin to exercise our faith at some level.  If we are not seeking Him primarily the process will never advance.  Certainly reading the bible plays a part in this process, but reading the bible in and of itself will not increase faith.

The difference described above may seem trivial, but it is vital, as an improper understanding of faith can result in misapplication of that faith, and frustration when the things we stood for in faith don’t come to pass.  It also causes Christians to live in false restriction of thought and word, for fear of counteracting their faith.  I will give further explanation of these things below.

Case Scenario 1:

Shelly (name made up) has lived her whole life attending church.  She has taught sunday school, served on boards and otherwise been very active in her church.  She truly loves the Lord, and listens to lots of tapes on healing, faith, the end-times, etc.  She believes her faith is strong, and when she develops stomach symptoms she begins standing on her faith, believing that she is healed.  Shelly’s symptoms continue, and in fact worsen.  She develops severe pain, but still refuses to seek care.  When she does seek medical care there is concern expressed by her doctor that further testing is needed, but still she refuses to be evaluated, and continues to stand in her faith.  As time passes, her condition worsens.  She finally agrees to an evaluation, and a diagnosis of colon cancer is made.  Because of the delay in diagnosis, the cancer has now spread to her lymph nodes and liver, making her tumor inoperable.  She continues to stand in her faith, reading the bible regularly, listening to more tapes and discussing with friends what the bible says about healing.  She continues to worsen, eventually internally giving up on being healed, and entering into an abject depression, as she just can not understand why she wasn’t healed.  Eventually the cancer runs its course, and she passes on, to meet her Savior.

The story above is a variation of a true story, which was an object lesson for me in faith.  Some may disagree with the conclusions I have drawn, and I am more than happy to hear other people’s ideas.  Here are the problems I see with this scenario:

1. Shelly truly did love the Lord.  She was sincere in her fervent pursuit of her faith.  The problem was the model in which she lived, “the organized church”.  You see, Shelly did all the things that her upbringing told her she should do.  Unfortunately, she was misinformed.  She didn’t understand that participation in “church” does not bring maturity.  She never got to experience true community, and never knew that following Christ means much more than going to a building, reading the bible, praying and listening to teaching tapes.  Reading the bible, praying and listening to others teach are fine, but in and of themselves they don’t bring maturity, and therefore don’t increase faith.
2. Shelly fell into the trap of believing that, if she truly had faith, she didn’t need to, or shouldn’t, seek medical care.  She could not make contingency plans for the event that she wasn’t healed, because in her mind this would be countering the work of her faith and admitting defeat.  This also kept her from grieving with her family, and allowing her family to grieve and process with her.
3. Finally, she thought that faith could be “mustered up”, so to speak, to allow her to walk in the healing she had been promised.  She thought if she read enough scripture and listened to enough tapes she could increase her faith so she could stand and be healed.

I use this example with a certain amount of risk.  This person I am describing was near and dear to my heart, a close family member.  I do not say the above things to downgrade her, because she did the best she could with the misinformation she was fed about what it means to be a Christian.  She had a huge heart for people, and truly loved:  her family, her friends, her neighbors.  She was the last to give up hope in anyone, and the first to come to help in times of need.  Her story is a tragic example of the failure of “modern Christianity”.  I hope not to bring offense to my family, who will obviously recognize “Shelly” for who she really is (my attempt to change details of the story is probably stupid, I just felt better doing it that way, to keep it somewhat hypothetical?).

So, the crux of the post is this:  faith is an important part of our Christian walk, and faith is a bi-product of our Christian walk.  We use our faith to walk in Christ, and like a muscle, the more we use it the more it grows.  As a charismatic I felt condemned if I didn’t have enough faith.  Now I understand that there are things I will stand in faith for, but haven’t walked in Christ long enough to grow into that level of faith, and so I may not see the final manifestation of what I prayed for.  This is no cause for guilt or condemnation, it just is what it is.  The longer I walk the more I will grow in faith, and the greater works He can do in and through me.

OK, this is the end of part one.  Sorry its long.  In my next post I’ll discuss my current understanding of faith.

In my morning reading I came across a verse that really struck me, from 1 John 2:4-6:

The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him;

5but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected By this we know that we are in Him:

6the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.

via 1 John 2 – Passage Lookup – New American Standard Bible – BibleGateway.com.

Verse 6 is what especially caught my attention.  As a former charismatic, there was a lot of talk in my circles about “abiding in Christ”.  In fact, a local “church” has had a sign up for months that says “abide and abound”.  After reading the above passage, I can look back and realize that we had no idea what abiding in Him really meant.  We thought it meant some sort of cozy experience where he blesses us, but this is not it at all.  As John said, if we are abiding in Him we are walking as He did, humbly, loving all comers, doing ONLY the will of the Father, even unto death.  This is not what I envisioned as a young Charismatic, but it makes a lot of sense in the here and now, having been freed from religion.

This will probably be short, we’ll see what I have time for.  Its been busy in the ER all day, and I’m trying to get a bunch of charts signed off, so I guess priorities must take precedence!

We didn’t have bible study last night, so nothing to report.  Instead my wife and I ate Mexican and watched a taping of “The Next Food Network Star”.  Then we went to bed early.  Our 4 year old fell asleep in our bed, and there is nothing like your kid falling asleep next to you.  In fact, there is something magical about sleeping kids in general!

Best of…

I’ve not had much chance to read this week.  Here’s what I have come across: